Rachel Album On Hold?

Rachel album on hold or Rachel album rushed... my two choices. Seeing how it's my problem that won't go away if I work on an album ABOUT her in which I'll need to eventually CONTACT her inadvertently doing the exact OPPOSITE of what I'm trying to heal from.

So seeing how I HATE to rush albums, unofficially, it's on hold indefinitely. I'll still work on songs for it, but don't expect a release anytime soon because I need to heal more than I need to feel a sense of accomplishment.

In the meantime I'll work on other piano material as well and get ready for that before this.

Rachel Album A CURSE?

In all truth, this "Rachel" album is coming up more of a curse than a positive. The chance of scaring off ANY potential love interest with my swooning and cunning words of desperation and co-dependency (from the old Trevor, mind you), my inevitable "Hello" to Rachel again be it permission to use the obscured photo or to hand over a copy of the finished product which is probably gonna set me back in recovery some.

However, many rich and successful have told me to think positive so these "problems", they're not really problems, more like "obstacles". "Fear" is now "intelligent caution", "anxiety" is now "a unique bracing of the unknown". Turn your frowns upside down, you're living in the land of the happy now.

And just to push yourself up over the edge...

http://www.break.com/index/baby-gives-the-evil-eye.html

Time for therapy. Will it affect the Rachel album? Maybe. I don't know. I need these "love issues" to go away because it's been two years and I look like an idiot as it is.

"Rachel" Needs Fixing

Yeah... umm... "Rachel" REALLY needs some organization, better flow, and more songs that have to do with a story instead of the overall image.

Still got the same good flow of creativity though, something I've never seen so much of before.

First LPS Release In Production

BIG updates for LPS. Let me just shoot 'em off first and THEN I'll go into details.

1. The first Little Plastic Stars release is entitled "Rachel".

Who is Rachel?

My ex-girlfriend. Short and sweet relationship, long and brutal recovery.

The idea to make this release entirely about her was after seriously looking at the material I had written only to realize that most of it was about her and/or us already.

This is the story of my first true love, innocence to nightmare, tribute to the recovering. But this is, first and foremost, an apology to her...

Rachel, there's not a whole lot of anything new I haven't said to you or wanted to say to you over the past two years. I've said sorry before, but immediately took it back because the need to hate you was stronger. Since then I've forgotten specific moments of what exactly happened and subsequently recovered... two years later.

Researching and thoroughly digging through this album has shed light on what exactly happened: I scared you off. We didn't last but a month, but I had never been in love with someone so amazing as you before and hadn't known how to take any of it.

So from this moment on and beyond the release, consider this my apology.

I am so sorry.

2. It's anything BUT your typical "12 track, hour long, 3 minutes 50 a song" album.

Umm... okay... what the hell IS it?

Good question little jimmy.

"Rachel" is the story of my month long relationship with my first true love followed by my two-year long battle with demons, white-hot hatred, heart-leaping love, suicidal depression, and overall 5-Stages of Recovery in the VERY LOOSE form of a musical.

EASILY more than 15 tracks, some short, some long, some spoken-word, lots of singing, on and on and on. All in all, I'll scare the shit out of you, make you cry, and leave you with something you can easily relate to.

Umm... fucking... samples...?

Bear with me. Laying down the piano, recording the vocals... ain't as easy as Black Adam.

But, let me throw something at you that I've done before... LYRICS!!!

...

This first one is the first "vocal" track on the album, describing the first time we met (online, but I never actually say it)...

FEEL THE SAME

My name is Rachel, I need someone to love.
My name is Trevor, whatever you say.
You need a label to fill the gap,
I need a girlfriend so I'm down for that.

Damn, I'm so in love with you and
Damn I hope you feel the same, feel the same way that I do.
The sun is setting and we're not letting this moment pass.

You're becoming what I want.
I'm becoming what you need.
You're becoming what I want.
So it's working out as I planned.

This creation, manifestation, now I know you
Feel the same, feel the same way that I do,
Feel the same, feel the same way that I do,
Feel the same, feel the same way that I do now.

Is that your ex-boyfriend calling for the 8th time?
Calling for the 8th time like before?
Is that how you treat your exes... like ghosts in a world like most where you're set high?
I'm willing to let it slide just this one time but this'll be the last time... oh, what do I care? I'm in love.
I'm in love.

You just read one of the only "happy" songs. Bitches, this ain't your grandma's old records! TIME FOR THE HATIN'!

HATE

Hate is a sin so strong, take it in on your way back up.
Ignoring what's sacred, once white you paint red and you call ME the fucked-up.

Free your mind. You do it all the time anyways.

I see you with your new bitch boy.
Should I warn him about you?
Tell him of the awful things you do?

I'm looking for sense in this and feeding on the senselessness.
I'm looking for sense in this and feeding on the senselessness.

I can see it now,
I can hear it now,
I can feel it now.
I can see it now,
I can hear it now,
I can feel it now.

Oh God, what have I done?
There is no God, there is no God.

Do you need an explanation or the right hand of the law?
To break the hearts of the stricken, to murder what you are given,
To avoid what you want most of all: Me?

Five steps of recovery. This is step two: Anger.

Finally, some sadness. This track represents the MOMENT the break-up happens.

FUTURE-DAY MOURNERS

You won't know what you've hit 'til the blood's a mile long.
It's abrupt and it's sick, swift, clinical and wrong,
next time put your headlights on.

You got holes in your mind, the letters are all dated and signed.
Hearts in the corners for the future-day mourners.
Painkillers aren't working so give me some more nurse.
I interrogate for answers which makes it even more worse.

Why why why why why?
Baby, tell me why.
I know it's a screen, but you know what I mean when I say I want the world to change.

I'm curled in a ball right there on the floor.
I've never loves like this before.
Key to a door, I open the door, the ceiling is on top of the floor.

The birds, they all die.
The trees, they all fry.
The buildings all fall 'cause I'm one with the wall.
The grass and the dirt and the clouds in reverse.
The grass and the dirt and the clouds in reverse.
Fuck you for fucking me.
Fuck you for fucking me.
Welcome to reality.

...

Here's what I've got so far. I'm more than likely to take some off/add some on. This list is in no specific order.

Intro #1
Intro #2
Feel The Same (Way That I Do)
First Kiss
Future-Day Mourners
Hate
The Phone Starts To Ring
Congratulations To Myself
"This Is Why"
Imitating Daylight
Rare Moments
Stray Bullets
Maybe You Should Go
Imperfections
Open Fire
"I Wash My Hands"
"This Is Why"

...

The plan is to mail her a copy of the finished product. Risky? Hell yeah.

But Trevor, it only lasted a month, why do you take it so hard?

When you're with someone who you are 100% committed to, convinced BEYOND ANY DOUBT that they're the one for you and then one day literally out of no where everything you know and love about them is gone in an instant, you take it to heart.

Anyone who's ever dealt with the same thing can surely understand where I'm coming from. It's a long and horrible journey that no one should have to endure.

How do you think she'll take it?

I honestly couldn't say. For someone to have an ENTIRE ALBUM dedicated to them is almost unheard of let alone the naked truth behind a lot of things. She hasn't spoken to me in over two years. It wouldn't surprise me if she kept it that way.

She was scared, I was intimidating, strange times. Now, I'm over things and I just want her to know that I am, along with an apology of the things I've said.

But what DID you say to her?

Hehehe... THAT'S for the album!

Anything else you got us?

Yeah... promo pics...











I posted the shadowed and obscured picture of her for a couple minutes but took it off soon after... not sure if I should do so until an approval of some kind is made... by her... if at all...

...More updates as they happen.

Lightly Mapping LPS

Dad and I finished off a much-needed new episode of Minutes After Midnight. Talked about how the art of lyrics is dying and has been continuously murdered by certain artists who quickly make unique phrases cliched.

After that we talked about plans for LPS. He came to the idea that we should break off the Rachel, Megan, and Erica songs from the album and just keep those individual. The problem with that is that after doing so, there goes more than half the album.

I want to keep it along the lines of a Tori Amos - Boys for Pele

It'll come along. Dad says my voice is almost ready for a release, but not good enough. I agree with him. I keep thinking of some way I could "mask" the fact, kind of like how I can mask the repetitive beats for Black Adam with phasers and flangers and unisons. But whatever, no rush.

He really likes the new shit I've come up with, especially "Imperfections", a song about imperfections, lost love, and pondering whilst tea is being drunk.

"I like to sit and drink my tea and think of humanity and how love is a disease and how it eats you so slowly... so slowly... good news for you."

A Vocal Piano Track On The SKiY?

Dad wants me to put in one more track for The SKiY. A track I made in light of a wonderful relationship that ended in a year-long nightmare of recovery. This particular song was made at a time in which I was filled with denial, fear, and random episodes of hot white anger, a time for a person that no longer exists. I could give a shit now, but back then this was a hard struggle for me.

This is a song with an "abusive" melody and a blinding constant slam of a drum overpowering everything and anything that dares to be played on every beat that it resides on. I need to make sure I continue to create that same abusive nature in the piano, the slamming of the drum like the shot of a gun.

A problem I have with this being on The SKiY is that its got too much melody to fit on this album. Dad's pressure to put this on it isn't helping either, rather dissuading. All in all, it doesn't fit the album and I'd rather not have it on there. His plea to have a vocal track is horrible, like he doesn't have respect for keeping it all "whole". I don't want a vocal track and I don't want to have a track that sounds like it should be on an LPS album.

47 minutes just doesn't seem long enough................ I'll add something else.

Love and Ciao,

Trevor "Black Adam" Hohenthaner